So last week I went out in the early morning to water my garden- as I stooped down, digging around in my tomato plants, searching for ripe pickings- it hit me. I stopped in my tracks. I inhaled. And there it was… fall.
I have to tell you that “fall” is a hard scent to describe, but it’s there. First off it’s the whole picture…the bright blue morning sky has more of a grey hue now, the chirping birds are a little quieter, the greens a little less shiny, and then there’s the smell.
I can try to describe it as a fresh and crisp smokiness that hangs in the air, the scent forces you to close your eyes and breathe in deeply . Yes, it’s happening, fall is brimming and right around the corner.
Is fall my favorite season? Yes, it most certainly is.
First off, I was born in November, so naturally I will always have a special connection with this time of year
Secondly, my one and only BFP happened in the fall of 2010. So I know that on top of my birthday, the crisp smoky air, and vibrant colors of oranges and yellows and reds, a very special transformation happened to me a little over two years ago at this time. It was the most magical feeling in the world.
Being pregnant that is.
I think back to that time often, and reminisce of that first feeling that I felt after finding out that I was pregnant. When I saw the second pink line appear, at first I was in disbelief, then shocked at the reality before me (We did it!) I began to shake, cry even. Tears of pure happiness emerged. It was amazing. Telling my husband was even more amazing- he was so proud, he stood a little taller that day, hugged me a little tighter. A week or two later I started to actually feel pregnant. Now this was my favorite part. For me, when I was pregnant, I was in love with everything. You name it- I loved it. The mail lady, doing dishes, watching commercials on TV -I mean everything!
During this time I experienced the meaning of wearing “rose-colored glasses.” Life was w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l. Truly it was. Although, the time was short lived, it will be a time in my life that I will always remember. Forever and a day from now, fall will always symbolize a very special time for me.
And that brings me to today…
Today marks CD 11 of my twenty sixth cycle of TTC. This cycle I took Femara cd’s 3-7 (yay no cyst!) and on top of well timed intercourse, will follow with an IUI (my third one) the day after my positive OPK. Let’s pray that third time is a charm.
This cycle, I am feeling less anxious and a little less excited than usual; calm clear and grounded might describe my current temperament. Four days away until fall is officially here, and as I anticipate the change of seasons, I also anticipate a change deep down in my body. Is it a knowing that pregnancy is near? Is it finally our time? Praying that the little miracle of life that once sparked inside me, two falls ago, returns to us and this time around comes back that much stronger.