39 Weeks & Nursery Reveal

3 So today I am officially 39 weeks and 6 days.

I have this surreal feeling that I cannot describe, almost as if I have taken a valium and am completely calm and relaxed permanently.

I keep visualizing my labor and birth and meeting baby R for the first time.

I have been waiting for this for so very long and my everything waits in lovely anticipation. Every kick and movement I feel brings me so much love and makes me feel closer to my son. This last part of pregnancy has been amazing and I feel so connected to my husband and everything just feels right.

Not going to do my usual update this week and instead will reveal our nursery, I feel the room turned out perfect and has a little mix of old and new that will be a very special place for our son. Hard to believe that this empty room that I used to lay on the floor and cry in mourning is now my dream nursery where I can nurse, love, sing to, and soothe my baby boy.

Dreams do come true.

Enjoy!12541071189

Will post again after my 40 Week appointment with the midwife unless baby makes his debut first!

 

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36 Weeks and Packing the Hospital Bag!

 HOSPITAL BAG

How far along: 36 Weeks and 3 days

 Total Weight Gain/Loss: Current weight 137 lbs, officially up 32 pounds!

Maternity clothes: Most of the time yes, and wearing dresses nearly every day!

Stretch marks: Not yet.. the nurse even commented at my last appointment her surprise that I don’t have any yet…I told her it’s a blessing as I still have stretch mark scars from puberty.

Sleep: Oh yes! Naps are a once or twice daily occurrence for me. The exhaustion sweeps over me like a tidal wave and I can’t keep my eyes open. After a nap I feel like a million dollars!

Best moment last week: 4th of July with my siblings! This year all five of my amazing brothers and sisters were together in my home and I had the most wonderful day! It is rare for us all to get together and now my home is filled with special memories I will cherish forever.

Movement: Yes! Baby boy has been moving like crazy- especially at night, my bump looks so strange when he is moving and I always stare in awe and amazement.

Food cravings/Aversions: Still loving food, specifically fresh well made food. Fruit has been a huge part of my diet lately, along with fresh tomatoes from my garden. 3 varieties so far! Yummm!

TOMS

 Mood/Energy: Mood has been wonderful as I near the end of this pregnancy, a little emotional here and there just thinking about our infertility journey that has brought us to this point. Two summers ago was when I started this blog, a saving grace to the isolation and depression I was experiencing. And  just last summer we were consulting with our doctor and making the big  decision about pursuing IVF and here I sit a year later writing about my 36th week of pregnancy. Feeling so full and blessed and enjoying every precious moment left of this pregnancy.

 Labor signs: Well let’s just say that earlier this week I spent one whole day on the couch due to major pressure down low and even started to pack my hospital bag (just in case) …thankfully, according to the MD I saw at my appointment two days later, after said “pressure”,  I am experiencing something called lightening and this  is completely normal during this stage of pregnancy. Baby is getting ready! 

 Oh and Still measuring on schedule, blood pressure is normal, and baby is head down. Yay!

Belly button: Starting to pop!

What I miss: Nada

What I am looking forward to: Meeting our son.

Milestones: 36 weeks! And getting the strep B test done… Ouchy & why didn’t anyone forewarn me?

 And lastly a bump picture taken at 36 weeks 1 day:

36 weeks

32 Weeks and Taking a Peaceful Breath

week 32

Oh my goodness- it’s been a long time! This past month has flown by and I cannot believe I haven’t posted in 4 whole weeks! Below is my most recent update along with some photos to share with you of what I have been up to lately!

 How far along: 32 Weeks and 4 days

 Total Weight Gain/Loss: Since 27 Weeks I have gained another 6 pounds so 131 lbs.

Maternity clothes: Oh yes. I ventured into Pea in the Pod and Motherhood for the first time the other day and came out with three new dresses and two really soft tank tops.

Stretch marks: Not yet- but my tummy is full of blue veins.

Sleep: Better. Sleeping really deep lately, and literally fall asleep the minute my head touches the pillow. Still waking up early, but getting used to that and finding that early morning between 5:30-6:30 am is my favorite time of day.

Best moment last week: Finally buying my crib! (Thank you Mom!) I chose the Catalina from PBK and I am so relieved I have a crib sitting in my garage waiting to be put together – yay!

catalina

Movement: Like crazy! This little one moves quite a bit and last week I either saw a foot or a hand poking through and it was the cutest thing ever! Actually the site surprised me and of course I got emotional and started crying.

(Growing a baby is simply amazing! )

Food cravings/Aversions: Good bye aversions – hello cravings and the ultimate love of food. Oh my goodness, everything tastes so delicious these days, and I am so happy that we have summer fruit galore; watermelons, grapes, strawberries, juicy nectarines- yum. Now I am just eyeing my green tomatoes growing in my garden and cannot wait to make tomato sandwiches once they have vine ripened. (English muffin, mayo, tomato, and salt) mmmmm and a little avocado and red onion wouldn’t hurt either!

 Mood/Energy: Slowing down finally, but my nesting has kicked into full gear. As we are nearing the end of our mini home remodel project, I have the organization and cleaning bug and thank goodness lots of energy. Looking forward to putting my home back together in the next few weeks before baby’s arrival.

Labor signs: Nope –just good ol’ Braxton Hicks- as my uterus is preparing.

Belly button: Stretched and odd looking.

 What I miss: Nothing at the moment- super content and happy!

What I am looking forward to: Starting my hypnobirthing classes, next ultrasound, hospital tour, putting my nursery together, and my baby shower next weekend! Below is an example of my baby shower invitation-although mine is so much cuter!  How adorable is this:

baby shower invitation 

 

Milestones: 32 Weeks baby & the last trimester! Countdown is officially on and  according to my midwife I have 6-10 weeks to go until we meet our miracle baby!

And lately:

laguna beach31 Weeks PregnantPups SleepingCountertops In

Laguna Beach mini vacation with my sister and brother in law, me at 31 Weeks, my adorable pups, and my new ‘sea pearl’ quartzite counter tops!

17 Weeks & Officially Popped!

birds 1

The rain is coming down outside my window and the birds are chasing one another in dizzying circles and fluttering about like it’s the first day of spring. They are loving this rain as much as I am and their chirps sound like songs of celebration bringing a smile to my face on this welcomed rainy yet gloomy day. Everything is in full bloom and there are gushes of whites and pinks and vibrant greens everywhere and is quite lovely to look at especially in the gloom. All the new growth around me matches the growth inside me –and I could not be any happier.   

 

Just finally finished another maddening 8 week term at school and I’m coming up for air once again.  I decided to add a dual emphasis on my major meaning I will have 3 additional classes to take before baby arrives. Actually, the last class will go through the end of August and my due date is early August-so technically I will be finishing school with a newborn. I’m not even thinking about “how I will do this” instead I just keep telling myself “I can do it” and I believe I can- and then I wonder if this is the ‘super woman’ feeling that comes over pregnant women? All the added hormones cursing through our blood making us feel like we can do it all and some? Will I wake up one day soon and ask myself – “what have I done?” Oh well-no time to think of that now!

 

On another note I am 17 weeks pregnant and I cannot believe how fast the time is going…I just want to s-l-o-w everything down and enjoy each and every moment of this pregnancy. That is why I have decided to add the pregnancy questionnaire to my blog and do my best to update weekly with a picture and all. I just want to remember this very special pregnancy  experience especially since it may be my last.

 

So here I go:

 How far along: 17 weeks & baby is the size of an onion

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained a whopping 12 pounds! (All belly-oh and a little booty too)

Maternity clothes: Oh yes! Luckily I live in a colder climate and have been wearing maternity leggings nearly every day since Christmas as they were a gift from hubby. Then last week I went online and bought a few outfits and staples from H &M’s maternity department and I am feeling set until spring /summer.

Stretch marks: Not yet… but I am just waiting as I already have them from puberty.

Sleep: So far so good, a few weeks ago I had a few nights of insomnia, but I am blaming school and my new job; not baby. Also, not needing naps as often now.

Best moment last week: Feeling my little one move!

Movement:  Oh yes- and I absolutely love the feeling and its’ been stopping me in my tracks at the utter amazement of a being growing inside me.

Food cravings: So now that my nausea and morning sickness have officially passed (as of about 2 weeks ago) I am able to eat more foods and lately I have been loving Chick-fil-A original sandwich smothered in ranch and buffalo sauce- oh and I tried their fresh squeezed lemonade the other day and fell in love and have a constant craving for it now. Mmmm. Lemonade.

chick

Aversions: Still no garlic or marinara sauce please!

Mood/Energy:  Feeling wonderful! Energy is up and I have been a bit more active during the day and less naps. We even went to a friend’s birthday party last night and I stayed out until nearly 11:00!

Belly button: In- but stretched out so you can see a huge hole when I have a tight shirt on…interesting.

Gender: Find out soon, everyone is saying girl including me. We shall see!

What I miss: Hot Yoga. I crave my yoga. I have been thinking about going back and just hanging out in the back and doing some poses…but I am still scared of doing anything to hurt baby.

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender of baby R. (Two weeks or so-need to schedule the appointment asap)  oh & designing the nursery.

Milestones: “Popping” and finally looking pregnant & Feeling the baby move!

Bump Picture:

17 weeks

Milestones & 12 Weeks!

I hit the “magical” 12 week milestone yesterday of pregnancy. What is it with this 12 week mark that makes you feel like you’ve made it over a huge hump?

And speaking of milestones here are some other recent ones to share:

  • I “graduated” from weekly acupuncture appointments to once monthly
  • I officially can no longer button my favorite skinny AG jeans
  • I am being treated as a normal pregnant woman at my OBGYN’s office as everything is progressing well- I haven’t been considered  “normal” at a doctors office in nearly three years!
  • I haven’t thrown up in two days! Could nausea actually be disappearing for good?
  • No more Progesterone shots or Estrace pills!
  • And I actually allowed myself to start looking online at nursery furniture and bedding the other morning and fell in love with this new ruffle bedding from Pottery Barn- adorable right?

ruffle bedding 2

At this time I am just trying to enjoy every moment of my pregnancy, besides the anxiousness that arises every now and then, it’s actually been very easy for me. As I truly love being pregnant and I already feel like it is going by way too fast! I mean 12 weeks already? I’ll be in the second trimester in a blink with even more milestones to list.

Days like this I truly realize how lucky I am to be pregnant given my DOR diagnoses and low odds of conception. I fought going the IVF route for so long and feel so very thankful that we took the leap of faith when we did. It’s scary, as there is so much that is unknown until you actually go through the process and know how your body is going to respond.

I thank the Lord every morning when I wake up and feel my growing belly or see how happy my husband is- knowing that we are finally having our love child.  Lately, I have moments that I just want to wrap up and keep in my heart forever.

These are truly some of the best days of my life.

Xo

Embracing Pregnancy after Infertility

window

My short hiatus is officially over.

 

I needed a break over the holiday like I have never felt before.

 

As soon as I finished my last final of the year, I closed my laptop and didn’t open it again until this past weekend. I craved silence from school and work demands and knew I needed to shut it all down; for both my sanity and health.

 

I admit, my first few weeks after learning we were successful with our IVF cycle felt a bit strange. Almost as if I didn’t belong anywhere.  I wanted to embrace my pregnancy with open arms and joy and yet all my past disappointments and hurts blurred the lines. I was happy- but didn’t want to feel “too happy” and I wanted to shout my long awaited news from the roof tops and yet at the same time I didn’t want to tell a soul just in case I jinxed my pregnancy- and is that even a thing?

 

What I have come to discover is that infertility robs us of something in our soul even after we become pregnant. The pure and innocent joy of pregnancy isn’t processed the same way for those that have struggled with infertility.  We are pregnant and yet still feel raw from the other side that is nipping at our heels and fear inches its way in and is difficult to overcome despite our dreams finally coming true.

Even after our second ultrasound, when our OB announced that everything looked perfect and that based on everything he saw our chance of miscarriage decreased to 3%, I still wasn’t feeling any better. Thankfully a few days later I forced myself to snap out of my reluctant and fear based fog.

 

Embracing this pregnancy was what I had forgotten to do. I was still stuck in this strange place of disappointment and failure and yet I had a being growing inside me with a heartbeat and all. I decided that no matter what happened during this pregnancy, I needed to govern that which I had control of; my emotional personal response to finally becoming pregnant after three long years of  struggling to conceive. I began to embrace this little miracle inside me a few days before Christmas and joy overcame the fear. I felt as though I was opening the curtains of an old log cabin to let the sun shine through for the first time in years. I felt the warmth and allowed myself to be in the moment with this being (our child) growing inside my womb. I’ve since been much more relaxed and open to this side of the journey; pregnancy after infertility. Some days are harder than others, and that is when I kindly remind myself to embrace this experience and feel the joy that is flowing inside me.

 

Today I am 10 weeks and three days pregnant. Tears fill my eyes as I look at my most recent ultrasound picture that I am proudly displaying on my fridge; our little one is beginning to look like an actual baby now, her little arm is sticking up as if waiving to us all.

baby r 10 weeks

 

Joy.

 

Pure joy.

Feeling Thankful & Blessed Beyond Belief

thankful

 

Oh my goodness! We are pregnant! Praise God!

I called in earlier this afternoon for my beta results and the first thing the nurse said was ‘Congratulations’!

Beta number one (10dp3dt) is 209 and beta number two (12dp3dt)  is 422.

Feeling so happy and blessed and full of joy.

The last few days have been very tough on me as I have been a complete emotional wreck and I even had a few breakdowns of  crying fits; which is not like me at all.

I’ve been waiting for today’s news for years and the words “you are pregnant” feels surreal and as if a huge rock has been lifted from my soul.

Oh and before my emotional breakdown that started on Sunday, I wrote a journal entry last week that I wanted to share… maybe I did know I was pregnant?

 

____________________________________________________________________________

I feel the presence of our little one already.

 I know we are together at last.

 My little one came back to us as I knew they would.

 Three years ago, this very cycle, I got my BFP, but miscarried at 9.5 weeks. After struggling many months years with infertility we embraced IVF as our next step.

 Fast forward to a little over 10 days ago, on November 12, I went in for my egg retrieval (ovulation day in IVF terms) and three days later transferred two beautiful embryos.

 Although this cycle mirrors my previous BFP cycle, I know in my heart of hearts that this one will result in our beautiful healthy take home baby R.

 The one in my dreams, the one I have thought about since I was eighteen years old. Her rosy cheeks and big brown eyes.

 Feeling blessed beyond belief.

 _______________________________________________________________________________

So for now I will continue to stay in the present and enjoy this pregnancy and try and stay as positive as possible, for J, for me and for our little one who is snuggling in for the long haul…

Oh and a very special ‘thank you’ to everyone for your continued encouraging words and prayers.. they mean so very much to me and more than you’ll ever know!