It’s been three long days since the horrific tragedy that took place.
And I am still shaken.
So many amazing and beautiful innocent lives taken…
One cannot process the madness of it all.
One act that affected so many.
When President Obama spoke last night at the Interfaith Vigil and read the names of the deceased, I felt emotion swallowing me whole all over again.
My heart hurts for these families who lost their loved ones and swells with grief thinking of their loss.
I didn’t want to write about this, but I cannot stop thinking about the sickness of it all…
Pioneer Woman posted the prayer of St. Francis on her Facebook page the other day and I have been reciting the words and finding some comfort, despite the pain.
I’ll continue to picture all of the innocent victims in heaven wrapped warmly in Gods’ love… and take comfort from this prayer.
The Prayer of St. Francis Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace. Where there is hatred, let me sow love; Where there is injury, pardon; Where there is doubt, faith; Where there is despair, hope; Where there is darkness, light; Where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek To be consoled as to console, To be understood as to understand, To be loved as to love; For it is in giving that we receive; It is in pardoning that we are pardoned; It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.
I woke up on my birthday early. Even with the recent time change, my bedroom was still dark as my eyes opened at 4:30 am. I lay in bed for a long while, soaking in the stillness of the morning, thanking God for another year and praying. Part of my prayer was that on my next birthday (my 33rd) at this very hour, I would be gently rocking my baby in my arms.
As I prayed; a vision came to me so perfectly and so clearly that I could actually feel what it would be like to be in that space.
There I was just a few doors down from my bedroom, the once empty room – now a soothing and comforting nursery… rocking in a chair that glided easily in a back and forward motion while cuddling my little one in my arms…maybe I am breastfeeding her or simply cooing her back to sleep, but there we are together; momma and baby. I take turns studying her face and looking out the window at the birch trees as they sway from side to side. Their golden leaves dancing in the wind, some leaving the safety of their branch-swirling down to earth.. ever so delicately…I look back to my little one and our eyes lock in knowingness that our long standing prayers have been answered at last.
Yes this is my birthday prayer and I will do my best, no matter the disappointment and heartache of this journey, to continue to visualize this until it becomes a reality.