It’s H-a-p-p-e-n-i-n-g!

My surgery that is.

Yesterday I went in to have my preoperative appointment with my RE for my Hysteroscopy and Polypectomy surgery which is scheduled for next Friday January twenty-five.

hysteroscopy

He double checked, actually at this point and on my account-quadruple checked my uterine polyp.

He confirmed, that yes, it was still there and yes I still needed surgery.

After the quick ultra sound check, my husband and I went into his office to discuss the actual procedure and listened to step by step descriptions of what will take place next Friday. He also explained all of the risks associated with the procedure and a few “what if” scenarios that I would have rather not listened to.

fingers-in-ears

Our conversation left me feeling slightly more confident about the surgery, with the confirmed rewards (increased fertility and possible pregnancy there after) that agreeably outweighed the risks (possible infection and well “other risks” not to be mentioned, but associated with me not being able to write on this blog anymore…)

After our candid conversation detailing the mechanics of the surgery, my RE asked if I had any other questions. Of course, I had to ask, forgetting about the surgery all together; what our next steps fertility wise, after the surgery -were? He responded by saying, first things first and that we would further discuss the options and our next move at our postoperative appointment. He did at that point, instruct us not to TTC for at least one full cycle after surgery, as my uterus wouldn’t be completely healed yet. This pushes us out until March- Or even longer if my cycle gets messed up from the pack and a half of birth control pills that I have been taking to “quite my lady parts ” before the surgery…uggg…more waiting…. certainly one thing I can do very well.

Sad-Woman-by-Rob-LeeAt this point this journey is starting to blur and blend all together… my miscarriage, the numerous ultrasounds, blood work and tests results, my official diagnosis of unexplained infertility, the months and months of acupuncture, the never ending supply of herbs, the unsuccessful Femara and IUI cycles that we were so very hopeful for, the cysts that were found after the Femara, the many failed cycles one after the other, the second opinion that revealed my uterine polyp, my low AMH and high FSH results, and now surgery…

 

 

 

 

 

What in the world? How has it come to this?

In all honesty, this just makes me more determined than ever! This is our year.

It has to be.

Bring it 2013.

 

bring it on

What Do Canadian Geese Have To Do With It?

 

This morning I awoke to the sound of Canadian Geese honking (or as I like to call it “singing”) as they moved across the early morning sky… At first I wasn’t so accepting of the loud noise that brought me out of my deep REM and then once I recognized the sound of the geese; a smile crossed over my face. I thought to myself: what a wonderful way to be woken up.

I enjoyed the moment for a few seconds until… reality hit.

 

I go in tomorrow for a water sonogram. After last weeks’ CD2 ultrasound, my RE wanted to triple check my uterine polyp and decipher what needs to be done. The procedure is, as I was told by my doctor, a combination of both an IUI and HSG. Ok –have experienced them both and I survived.. not a big deal. I was told to take 600-800 mg of IB Profin an hour before the procedure and that I would be just fine…gulp.

 

I am also awaiting the results of my AMH blood test.

 

AMH stands for anti-mullerian hormone, a substance produced by granulose cells at the earliest stage of ovarian follicle development. Since the number of these primordial cells is linked to the number of follicles that grow into viable, fertilizable, eggs, Doctors use AMH levels to assess a woman’s remaining egg supply. Because my antafollicle count came back low for my age (4-5 on each ovary) my RE wanted to run some more tests. Not really looking forward to these results…

 

So far my CD 2 FSH came back high (12.2) and my Estradial came back normal (less than 50) I was told however, despite my immediate hysteria upon finding out my results, not to  jump to any conclusions until my AMH results come back.

 

So that is what I am trying to do…although, I have to admit that I have consulted with Dr. Google for many “what if scenarios” and don’t really feel any better.

 

It’s times like these that I wish I didn’t have any tests performed.. this journey has taught me that indeed ignorance is bliss.

 

I also wince at the thought of going through another Christmas without our child. This month I am on cycle number 28…Friends and acquaintances are passing me up by having their second and third children… I found out last week that two friends are pregnant…one who had been trying longer than I and the other not trying at all.

 

I think that might be the hardest part of this journey.. watching other families grow, while mine stays the same. Seeing pictures of baby bumps turn into newborn babies turn in to growing families while my heart continues to ache.

 

Two years ago this month we conceived our first baby.  For that reason the month of November will always be special to me …I am thankful that I was given the chance to experience being pregnant if only for 9 ½ weeks.. Thankful that I live in a place that allows me to wake up to Canadian Geese signing about their next great journey, reminding me that I too am on a journey myself and to just keep moving forward with the seasons as they do.