Twenty Six

Time for an update on cycle number Twenty Six

 

I had my third IUI performed this past Monday. This time was a little different from the last two experiences. The usual doctor who had performed both my previous two IUI’s was not available. I had coined him the “mad scientist” or “crazy Dr. *Stu” as he somewhat resembled the doctor from the movie Knocked Up.

Yes. That one.

So this time I thankfully had a new person to get the job done. I had been praying I would have a new doctor; I needed new energy, healing hands, someone who I could feel like really cared about helping me get pregnant.

I knew instantly when she walked through the door my prayers were answered!

She was older than I had anticipated, with white hair and kind eyes. I knew she would have the healing touch. She took her time to ensure the placement of all the instruments they used were in place. She even went as far as reinserting a larger device, to ensure the “guys would get where they needed to”. Yes, this hurt a bit more and took longer than my other two IUI’s but I felt perfectly comfortable and at peace knowing that I was being take care of- This time I didn’t feel like I was taking up the doctors’ precious time with a tedious task of IUI, no, this time I felt really cared for. Incredible, really,  how the same procedure could produce such a different experience with the right energy.

The protocol after an IUI is that you stay laying down for at least ten minutes to make sure you don’t have an allergic reaction to the substance they use to clean the sperm sample.

I enjoy this time, because it gives me a moment to breathe, reflect, and relax. This time the instant that the doctor left the room, tears sprung to my eyes and rolled down my face and on to my chest. It was more of a release cry than anything else. It happened so suddenly.

It was short.

Unexpected.

But very much needed

There are so many emotions that you experience and carry with you leading up to this type of appointment. So it is only a given, that after the procedure is over your body automatically lets go of these emotions and produces tears as part of the release. Laying on the table felt so good, there I was in solace visualizing the sperm meeting the egg and knowing in my heart that we did all we could do for this cycle.

 

Today Fertility Friends charting software gave me my solid red lined crosshairs that confirm that I in fact ovulated on IUI day. Meaning that today I am officially 3dpo!

I’ll be emotionally stable for a few more days- maybe 5 or 6 and then I admit that I will  start psycho analyzing everything; my chart, the days we bd, my cm, my symptoms, my symptoms from last cycle and the cycle before that, and the cycle that I got my BFP, and the list goes on…but until then I can relish in the aftermath of our efforts and pray with all our hearts and soul that this cycle– we can proudly  say “twenty sixth time’s a charm.”

 

*Not name of actual Doctor

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I Smell Fall

So last week I went out in the early morning to water my garden- as I stooped down, digging around in my tomato plants, searching for ripe pickings- it hit me.  I stopped in my tracks.  I inhaled. And there it was… fall.

Ahhhhhh.

I have to tell you that “fall” is a hard scent to describe, but it’s there. First off  it’s the whole picture…the bright blue morning sky has more of a grey hue now, the chirping birds are a little quieter, the greens a little less shiny, and then there’s the smell.

I can try to describe it as a fresh and crisp smokiness that hangs in the air, the scent forces you to close your eyes and breathe in deeply . Yes, it’s happening, fall is brimming and right around the corner.

This was taken in my backyard fall of 2010

 

Is fall my favorite season? Yes, it most certainly is.

First off, I was born in November, so naturally I will always have a special connection with this time of year

Secondly, my one and only BFP happened in the fall of 2010. So I know that on top of my birthday, the crisp smoky air, and vibrant colors of oranges and yellows and reds, a very special transformation happened to me a little over two years ago at this time. It was the most magical feeling in the world.

Being pregnant that is.

I think back to that time often, and reminisce of that first feeling that I felt after finding out that I was pregnant. When I saw the second pink line appear, at first I was in disbelief, then shocked at the reality before me (We did it!)  I began to shake, cry even. Tears of pure happiness emerged. It was amazing. Telling my husband was even more amazing- he was so proud, he stood a little taller that day, hugged me a little tighter. A week or two later I started to actually feel pregnant. Now this was my favorite part. For me, when I was pregnant, I was in love with everything. You name it- I loved it. The mail lady, doing dishes,  watching commercials on TV -I mean everything!

During this time I experienced the meaning of wearing “rose-colored glasses.”  Life was w-o-n-d-e-r-f-u-l. Truly it was. Although, the time was short lived, it will be a time in my life that I will always remember. Forever and a day from now, fall will always symbolize a very special time for me.

And that brings me to today…

Today marks CD 11 of my twenty sixth cycle of TTC. This cycle I took Femara cd’s 3-7 (yay no cyst!) and on top of well timed intercourse, will follow with an IUI (my third one) the day after my positive OPK.  Let’s pray that third time is a charm.

This cycle, I am feeling less anxious and a little less excited than usual; calm clear and grounded might describe my current temperament. Four days away until fall is officially here, and as I anticipate the change of seasons, I also anticipate a change deep down in my body. Is it a knowing that pregnancy is near? Is it finally our time? Praying that the little miracle of life that once sparked inside me, two falls ago,  returns to us and this time around comes back that much stronger.