19 Weeks and Baby is the size of a Mango!

mango

 

Just got back from a fantastic “girl weekend getaway” with my mom and sisters. We went to the desert (one of our favorite places) and ate delicious food, swam, enjoyed the sun and warmth, and had wonderful conversations. This was the first time that all of us have been together since I have been pregnant and it felt so nice to be able to talk about this miracle of life growing inside me and the future. Seeing their excitement and interest in and for the baby filled up my family love cup and reminded me of how much our baby is already loved so much!

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How far along: 19 Weeks- baby is the size of a mango

 

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Up another pound-so 119lbs!

Maternity clothes: Love my maternity clothes right now, but also able to wear a few dresses from last summer and officially showing off my bump.

Stretch marks: Not yet! Although just in case they are forming- I did splurge on a super yummy smelling belly oil made by Noodle & Boo- smells and feels amazing and I have been using it religiously!

noodle & boo


Sleep: I continue to sleep so deeply and wonderfully. I literally close my eyes at night and am fast asleep until morning.

Best moment last week: Seeing my baby move! He/She was so active one night last week, I pulled up my shirt and saw my belly move- I felt elated at the sight and was all smiles after that- Since then I have only “seen” baby move one other time.

Movement: Yes- very active baby- (see above)

Food cravings/Aversions: Pretty much loving all food right now. Still not liking garlic, onions, marinara, and now pure chocolate. Fruit and orange juice are a must!

Mood/Energy: Feeling wonderful! I get a little tired in the afternoons- but usually can fight through the sleepiness if I am unable to take a nap.

Labor signs: No

Belly button: In!


What I miss: Nothing- everything is perfect.

What I am looking forward to: Our anatomy scan scheduled tomorrow! Oh my goodness.. I am nervous and excited at the same time! We are going to have the ultrasound tech put the gender in an envelope and then open it at lunch afterwards. My hubby tried to tell me that we should wait until date night Friday night-but I put my foot down and said that we had waited long enough-don’t you think?

Milestones: Seeing baby move! My sister got to see too!  Now just need my hubby to see/feel baby.

Bump Pic:   ps: I’m bravely posting this…19 weeks 1

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Tears and Happy Baby

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I went to my one hour power yoga class to sweat, stretch my muscles and move fresh oxygen through my blood. I hadn’t taken a class in nearly a week and my body desperately craved the heat and movement of flow.

After an amazingly intense one hour class our instructor had us lie on to our backs and get into “happy baby” for our final resting pose.

Looks like this:

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At first this pose feels wonderful, your vertebrae, one by one, aligns to the floor, hips begin to stretch open and relax and you feel and actually look like a happy baby.

But holding this posture for more than 30 seconds begins to feel torturesque and we were in this pose for nearly six or seven minutes…

not certain exactly but enough time to listen to the entire song of Jeff Buckley’s Hallelujah ..

Between this extremely deep hip opener and mesmerizing song filling the yoga studio… my mind began to wander and I became lost in my thoughts.

Thoughts of pregnant women and how open and relaxed their hips would be in this very pose, if I would take yoga classes when I was finally pregnant one day, my own happy baby that I continue to dream about both day and night, bringing me back to the reality that my cycle still had not started since my surgery, the heavy thought of trying again…and the pain in my tight hips which began intensifying with my thoughts.. and before I knew it my hips began fighting the pose and the pain almost became unbearable taking my breath away…I wanted to quit, I wanted to run right out of the room-Hallelujah and all, away from the heat and the sweat and my thoughts…

But I stayed.

And I breathed.

Welcoming both the pain and the release.

And that’s when it started

Tears began to roll down my flushed cheeks

and I let them

I knew where they were coming from and it made me cry that much more; my hips were holding on to
my tightness, rigidness, controlling tendencies, worries and fears

and I just told myself to let go

Let it all go- she whispered…

And I did

And it felt wonderful

Deciding at that very moment  that both tears and happy baby are a beautiful thing

images (2)

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(Ananda Balasana)

(aka Dead Bug Pose)

Benefits:
Physical: Releases lower back and sacrum; opens hips, inner thighs, and groins
Emotional: Releases unconscious emotions stored in the hip area
Rx for: Lower Back Pain

1. Lie flat on your back with knees bent, feet flat on the floor about hip-width apart, arms alongside the body, palms facing the ceiling.
2. Lift feet off the floor and bring knees in toward the shoulders.
3. Flex the feet.
4. Grasp the outsides of the feet with each hand.
5. Pull gently using the hands, enhancing the stretch and bringing knees closer to the floor.
6. Press buttocks into the floor.
7. Hold for 5 to 10 slow, deep breaths.

Shaken

watercolor--prayer-of-st-francis-karin-best
It’s been three long days since the horrific tragedy that took place.

And I am still shaken.

So many amazing and beautiful innocent lives taken…

One cannot process the madness of it all.

One act that affected so many.

When President Obama spoke last night at the Interfaith Vigil and read the names of the deceased, I felt emotion swallowing me whole all over again.

My heart hurts for these families who lost their loved ones and swells with grief thinking of their loss.

I didn’t want to write about this, but I cannot stop thinking about the sickness of it all…

Pioneer Woman posted the prayer of St. Francis on her Facebook page the other day and I have been reciting the words and finding some comfort, despite the pain.

I’ll continue to picture all of the innocent victims in heaven wrapped warmly in Gods’ love… and take comfort from this prayer.

The Prayer of St. Francis
Lord, make me an instrument of thy peace.
 Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console,
To be understood as to understand,
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
It is in dying to self that we are born to eternal life.

I’m Ready

Today is cd 24 and I am currently 9dpIUI/O. Most women in my shoes would be taking pregnancy tests from sun up till sun down at this point in their cycle, but not me. First off don’t get me wrong, normally I am that woman who is waking up at dawn to POAS. But this cycle I have a lot riding and I don’t want to deflate my hope quiet yet. Secondly, no POAS per Doctors’ orders. Seriously as I was walking out of my Dr.s office after the IUI, my friendly nurse called me in to the back office and told me “do not test early. I repeat do not test early. As it could result in a false positive! Wait the full 14 days.” I just stared back and mumbled out a confused “K”. Now if I hadn’t been so caught off guard or if I wasn’t thinking quick get me out to the car before everything drips out- then I would have probably asked a thousand questions, the first one being why??  But instead I just took the advice and now I’m sticking to it- no questions asked!

This means that in 5 1/2 fabulous days I get to finally TEST! That is unless the witch shows her ugly face first. Oh please no! Please don’t show!  I don’t know what I will do if/when the test is positive and at the same time,  I don’t know what I’ll do if the test is negative. Should I wait to test until the afternoon so that if I don’t see the magic second pink beautiful line, I can drown my sorrows in a bottle of Cab? I did shopping therapy last month, so wine therapy would be fitting this time for sure.

At the moment, I don’t feel any different this cycle than any other cycle, honestly. If anything I don’t think I have any symptoms at all.  Not really even of my normal PMS.  Trying to remain calm, clear headed and grounded. This morning the angel card I drew was “Miracle Healing” I feel like this card is very timely. Card meaning: Expect a miracle. You have prayed for assistance, and it is forthcoming. The more completely you surrender your situation to God, the more rapidly you will realize your healing. Truly LOVE this and it’s so very true. Also, very timely that I will be testing on 8/8 (my angel baby’s edd or as I will start remembering the date from this day forward- as my angels babys’ birthday)

Last August I mourned all month long over my loss and into September. I can honestly say now that time does heal. I know this. People say this all the time, and you don’t quite believe it, but I agree with them. I thought it would take holding my baby in my arms to start healing, but I can honestly say that time has helped the healing process. Don’t get me wrong, my heart still hurts. But less. Yes, it is decided. This year I will celebrate and maybe even make a cake! I will celebrate with love, knowing my babies are with me in spirit always and will come to me one day soon.

ps : I’m thinking chocolate cake with buttercream frosting

Oh and since I didn’t already mention this, I am ready. Ready to be a mother. Ready to be pregnant with swollen feet. Ready to buy cute little baby blankets for my baby.  I’m ready.  Beyond ready.

(Below is a link to Tracy Chapmans’ song titled “I’m Ready” Such a beautiful song and fitting for this post… heard it my first day back in yoga a few weeks ago..coincidence? I think not)

http://youtu.be/XEub8DeD7wg

 

KSS