17 Weeks & Officially Popped!

birds 1

The rain is coming down outside my window and the birds are chasing one another in dizzying circles and fluttering about like it’s the first day of spring. They are loving this rain as much as I am and their chirps sound like songs of celebration bringing a smile to my face on this welcomed rainy yet gloomy day. Everything is in full bloom and there are gushes of whites and pinks and vibrant greens everywhere and is quite lovely to look at especially in the gloom. All the new growth around me matches the growth inside me –and I could not be any happier.   

 

Just finally finished another maddening 8 week term at school and I’m coming up for air once again.  I decided to add a dual emphasis on my major meaning I will have 3 additional classes to take before baby arrives. Actually, the last class will go through the end of August and my due date is early August-so technically I will be finishing school with a newborn. I’m not even thinking about “how I will do this” instead I just keep telling myself “I can do it” and I believe I can- and then I wonder if this is the ‘super woman’ feeling that comes over pregnant women? All the added hormones cursing through our blood making us feel like we can do it all and some? Will I wake up one day soon and ask myself – “what have I done?” Oh well-no time to think of that now!

 

On another note I am 17 weeks pregnant and I cannot believe how fast the time is going…I just want to s-l-o-w everything down and enjoy each and every moment of this pregnancy. That is why I have decided to add the pregnancy questionnaire to my blog and do my best to update weekly with a picture and all. I just want to remember this very special pregnancy  experience especially since it may be my last.

 

So here I go:

 How far along: 17 weeks & baby is the size of an onion

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Gained a whopping 12 pounds! (All belly-oh and a little booty too)

Maternity clothes: Oh yes! Luckily I live in a colder climate and have been wearing maternity leggings nearly every day since Christmas as they were a gift from hubby. Then last week I went online and bought a few outfits and staples from H &M’s maternity department and I am feeling set until spring /summer.

Stretch marks: Not yet… but I am just waiting as I already have them from puberty.

Sleep: So far so good, a few weeks ago I had a few nights of insomnia, but I am blaming school and my new job; not baby. Also, not needing naps as often now.

Best moment last week: Feeling my little one move!

Movement:  Oh yes- and I absolutely love the feeling and its’ been stopping me in my tracks at the utter amazement of a being growing inside me.

Food cravings: So now that my nausea and morning sickness have officially passed (as of about 2 weeks ago) I am able to eat more foods and lately I have been loving Chick-fil-A original sandwich smothered in ranch and buffalo sauce- oh and I tried their fresh squeezed lemonade the other day and fell in love and have a constant craving for it now. Mmmm. Lemonade.

chick

Aversions: Still no garlic or marinara sauce please!

Mood/Energy:  Feeling wonderful! Energy is up and I have been a bit more active during the day and less naps. We even went to a friend’s birthday party last night and I stayed out until nearly 11:00!

Belly button: In- but stretched out so you can see a huge hole when I have a tight shirt on…interesting.

Gender: Find out soon, everyone is saying girl including me. We shall see!

What I miss: Hot Yoga. I crave my yoga. I have been thinking about going back and just hanging out in the back and doing some poses…but I am still scared of doing anything to hurt baby.

What I am looking forward to: Finding out the gender of baby R. (Two weeks or so-need to schedule the appointment asap)  oh & designing the nursery.

Milestones: “Popping” and finally looking pregnant & Feeling the baby move!

Bump Picture:

17 weeks

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December Twenty Two

Today would have been my Grandma M’s birthday. I am unsure of how old she would have been, she left us and went to heaven twelve years ago. Loved my Grandma and I miss her dearly. She was such a big part of my childhood memories… So I will honor her by listing a few things that she loved:

roses and her rose garden, pink lipstick, white shoulders perfume, shopping, baking, blankets, her cat Moose, laughing, volunteering at the VFW and all things pink.

Love you Grandma and Happy Birthday!

birthday  cake gma

I woke up early again this morning, despite staying up late and watching Christmas movies on Lifetime. Why are those movies, so sappy-but so darn good?

It’s been rainy and windy all night, and the wind was howling so loudly that my pups even woke up and started barking, which they never do!

christmas tree

Christmas is a short three days away..Our tree is decorated, presents are wrapped, the first batch of fudge and cookies are made, and yet something is missing…

 

My child.

I long for her.

And my heart aches.

Next month, will mark our two year date of our loss. January has always been a hard month for me, and it seems like it will be forever tainted.

It’s these early morning hours that get to me the most.

It’s the silence.

The deafening silence leaving me to my thoughts…

On a positive note… I did feel ovulation this month, which I normally never do. I take it as a good sign, of course.

I confirmed it with my RE when I had my “check up” appointment on Wednesday and he showed me the corpus luteum on the ultrasound screen.

Confirmed O is always good.

I, of course, have a wee bit of hope for spontaneous conception this month, even though we were technically taking a break, and technically only did the deed once during my fertile time.. I still have hope.. and even my RE commented that “it only takes one”

mothermary
Wouldn’t that be a Christmas Miracle? Conceiving the one month we didn’t try… it happens for others, plenty of others… Prayers of course are being sent.

Oh and yes, my appointment this past week, still determined that I would need surgery to remove the uterine polyp that is so happily feeling quite at home in my body. Not too happy about that and never thought my first surgery would entail something like this, but life is funny. So January twenty five will be my surgery day unless of course, a Christmas Miracle occurs.

I believe

And it begins…. My Two Week Wait

Just finished up a mighty busy week and feeling quite calm this early Saturday morning. The sun is shining her beautiful golden hue, filling up the front of my house, my sweet husband and two doggies are nestled in their beds sleeping peacefully, and I am reflecting on my prosperous week in the early morning stillness.

First off, today is Cycle Day 18- and I am officially 3 days past ovulation, meaning  that once again, my ovulation has been confirmed. This makes me so very happy. Not only did we have plenty of well-timed BD this past week, but we had a successful IUI performed the day of O! I was very lucky to have tested twice on Cycle Day 14 or I would have very well missed my window of opportunity. Thanks goodness I listened to my intuition to test again after my acupuncture appointment. I just had a feeling. And I was right. Got my smiley face OPK.

(Picked these the morning of my IUI- Flowers calm me and give me energy at once and these smelled lovely)

OK so the IUI experience in a nut shell:

Exciting. Akward. (Holding DH sperm in a sample cup between your girls to stay warm-is not an everyday occurrence Easy. Painless.  Pap smear-like. (Except instead of the swab-you are getting your hubby’s cleaned super sperm injected into your lady parts) Bright Lights.  Hopeful. Emotional. Content.

Do I have high hopes for this cycle? Unfortunately, yes I do. How do I not? My very first cycle with Femara (super ovulater drug) and lots of BD and IUI! What is not to love about that fertility inducing cocktail?  The other thing I have going for me this cycle, is that my actual testing day (14 days past O) falls on 8/8. This was my angel babies estimated due date last year. Finding out that we are pregnant on this special date would mean the world to me and so much more. Knowing that something so very special could be happening during this time, gives me peace of mind, and more hope than ever before. I feel the stars aligning. I feel positive. He or She is ready to come back.

Its’ time.

 

“Que sera sera

Whatever will be                        

will be

The future’s not ours to see

Que sera sera

What will be

will be”

 

K Sirah Sirah

Day after Summer Solstice =New Beginnings= Blog Number One

Welcome to my blog about Life, Love, Fertility/Infertility and Flowers. I thought to myself this morning on my daily walk, what a perfect day to start a blog; the day after Summer Solstice -a new season which offers hope and new beginnings. At the moment I am nearing the two year mark of TTC (trying to conceive) and despite my usual positive outlook on life, things are starting to look bleak. I am still trying to keep a positive spirit about my TTC journey, but lately it is becoming increasingly more difficult.

A little about me: I am 31 years of age, have wanted children ever since I can remember,  have been married to my wonderful husband/best friend/lover since 2008, have two adorable little pups, and am on month number 23 of TTC journey since “officially” starting to try. I have had one pregnancy thus far (November 2010) resulting in a miscarriage at 9.5 weeks ( January 2011), and have been officially diagnosed with unexplained infertility by a Reproductive Endocrinologist. I will save my opinion and feelings about unexplained infertility for another post.. because I really really despise those two words and cringe that I am even using them in my blog, but that is me in a nutshell.

Today I am on  CD 7  of a usual 27-29 day cycle, no POS (peeing on a stick) today, as this is the end of AF (Aunt Flow) and the possibilities of this cycle bringing us our THB (take home baby) are starting to resonate within my soul, and hopeful, fresh, and fertile thoughts are forming in my mind as my body begins to  gear up to O. (No, not what you think, not  the big O as in Orgasm but as in O-V-U-L-A-T-E )  See how your priorities shift when you are on month of 23 of timed intercourse and trying to make a baby??? But you know even with all this TTC madness, as I look outside my window and see the trees rustling in the wind and the blue summer sky,  Yes-I can say summer now since it is the day after summer solstice, I have to admit that I have a pretty damn good feeling about this cycle… maybe because it’s a new season, or that I ordered new OPK’s from a different website, or that I started this blog.. but just feeling really hopeful.

What you can expect from my blogs; for the most part rants and raves about my day to day experiences with Life, Love, Fertility/Infertility and Flowers. You may be asking why flowers? For one-they bring me instant happiness, the vibrance, the freshness, the color – they just deliver. For two- I felt that they needed to be included in my blog that will include ramblings about infertility, I feel it is a way to counterbalance the word I despise the most and add a sweet essence to an emotional topic that is so personal to me.

And that my friends is my first blog. More to come. Lots more. Stay tuned.

Toodles.

K Sirah Sirah