Cycle Number One ~Post Hysteroscopy

Not pregnant.

Thought this would be my lucky cycle; I’m healthy after surgery and polyp free, new fresh energy, spring is here with birds singing and sprouts of new growth everywhere…

Everywhere but inside me.

I really had high hopes, I always do.

I feel sick.

Shaky.

The pit in my stomach is back.

My husband comes home in a few hours and I will have to share the bad news..

See the look of disappointment in his eyes that he so carefully tries to hide from me- then he’ll hug me and tell me how much he loves me and a moment later we’ll both carry on our day like nothing happened. I’ll hide my sadness for a day or two as to avoid him feeling worse.

And in about two weeks we’ll go at it again..and then wait for another two weeks for the outcome and continue  this seemingly never-ending cycle of trying to conceive our child.

Tomorrow I’ll go back to being my optimistic, hopeful self.. but today I will sulk and cry and feel a tad bit sorry for myself because I am alone and I can.

 Cycle number one post hysteroscopy – Fail.

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Polyp-less at last…

Officially my polyps have been removed.  And yes, my polyp went to  polyp(S) as in plural, multiple, more than one. A handful in fact… even though we had thought we were only dealing with one, my doctor found multiple.

 Apparently once the procedure had begun, my doctor was able to see a whole lot more inside my uterus and was able to find a few more very small polyps around the larger one.. Again just confirming the importance of me having had this surgery.

 The surgery itself (Hysteroscopy with Polypectomy Removal), which took place this past Friday, went really well. The hardest part, quite honestly, was getting the IV in my arm before surgery. With never having surgery before, I was taken by surprise when I was told that the kind male nurse would need to put an IV in my arm-and began having a slight panic attack, hands shaking –heart racing. Eventually, he being was successful with the placement of the IV and I had them cover it up so I wouldn’t have to look at the scariness of a needle going into my arm. Soon thereafter my lovely, peppy blond haired anesthesiologist came over and gave me a “little something” to help me relax…she described it as having two big glasses of wine.. Ahhhhh it was all good after that.. soon I was transferred to the surgery room: bright, big, freezing cold, and I remember thinking that it looked just as it does in the movies.. then my RE began speaking, reviewing the surgery instructions to everyone in the room, and the next thing I knew I was waking up in recovery. How do you wake up from being awake? I do not know, but it was fantastic!

Walla –just like that, easy as pie.

 

 

In recovery, I had some dull cramping that was progressively getting worse, so they gave me “a little something” more for the pain..instant happiness I tell you..  than in walked my very handsome husband who I was so very happy to see. He was soon at my side explaining to me what our Doctor had revealed about the surgery, it all kind of sounded like wah-wahh-wah.. then I found myself crying with happy tears.. knowing that it was finally over. Within minutes of seeing my husband, they discharged and soon enough I was home sweet home resting on my cozy couch with my two little doggies cuddling on me. Being that I hadn’t eaten in almost 24 hours –my hubby and I ordered my favorite comfort food, Round Table Pizza, and I spent the remainder of the night relaxing on the couch.

 Later in the evening, once my head began to clear, I thought about this chapter being over,  and began to feel very excited for the possibilities of fertility re-entering my life… I have such a peace with my surgery results, and am praying for a solid month of healing and cleansing.. so that my body is prepared from head to toe to make and keep our baby.

 

Yes, my friends, my hopes are up once again.

And this time it feels oh so good!