38 Weeks & Ready to Meet Our Son

birth love

How far along: 38 Weeks and 5 days

Total Weight Gain/Loss: Currently 138 pounds, up 33 pounds.

Maternity clothes: Oh yes, but mostly dresses in this 100 degree heat wave

Stretch marks: Remarkably no and praying I stay that way!

Sleep: Yes, I am sleeping all the time. Most of the time a nap or two a day plus at least 8-9 hours a night. Although the bathroom trips are becoming like clockwork every 2-3 hours during the night, preparing me for nightly feedings!

Best moment last week: Realizing that I am full term and can have this baby boy at any moment! He is currently head down and in perfect position for birth.

Movement: Baby boy is slowing down a bit, but still moving- and I have been ordered to do my kick counts at least once a day (10 movements during a 2 hour period) apparently the placenta can get old and movement is important as it tells us baby is receiving enough oxygen. ps: I love when he has hiccups!

Food cravings/Aversions: Watermelon, waffles with fresh berries, yogurt, coffee ice cream with Hershey’s syrup, ummm pretty much loving everything these days but the above mentioned are my favorites at the moment.

Mood/Energy: So very happy, a bit emotional at times but in a good sappy kind of way. Just reminiscing about the last 9 months and our journey to have this baby and realizing that hubby and I become a family of three any day. Energy- a bit tired especially because my iron has been low, don’t think I will get the big rush of energy before birth that everyone talks about!

Labor signs: No- still experiencing Braxton Hicks but nothing major.

Belly button: Out

What I miss: My hands and fingers working properly! I have had tingly  finger tips in my right hand for weeks now  and  haven’t been able to clench my fists, apparently I am experiencing a weird pregnancy related blood flow issue to my hands.

What I am looking forward to: Birth and meeting our son!

Milestones: Full Term Baby! We are ready.

(Me at 38 Weeks and 1 day)

photo (12)

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27 Weeks and Mini Home Remodel, Getting Sick and Mother’s Day

Home Remodel: First off-who begins a mini home remodel project at 27 weeks pregnant? This girl! It all began with the idea of painting bedrooms and installing new flooring and quickly turned into changing and replacing windows, installing new countertops, and updating appliances in my kitchen. (Goodbye 90’s white tile and carpenter beige paint!) My timeline is to have everything completed by the middle of June and before my baby shower. Pinterest has officially become my best friend as of late and has helped me in so many ways with our project.

 

Inspiration kitchen photo number 1:

inspiration kitchen

 

Getting Sick: It finally happened. My worst fear during pregnancy- I got sick.

 

Last week after two days of a Maternal Wellness Seminar I attended for work, I knew I pushed myself too far. I was hoping the sneezing and constant eye watering was an indication of my allergies acting up, only to find myself in bed and on the couch for two straight days  with a nasty head cold. Luckily I am recuperating and beginning to feel myself again, but I was miserable there for a few days and being that I was pregnant I didn’t want to take any medications. I gave in and finally took two Tylenol for my aching head out of pure desperation. My take away now that I am on the mend: rest often and do not push yourself.

Mothers Day

 

Mothers Day 2014: So many different thoughts about this day. For years this has been by far my worst celebrated holiday of the year. Infertility will do that to you…even though I knew in my heart that I would be a mother one day (one way or another) this day always seemed to tear me up inside. This Mothers Day I celebrated with J and our friends and their two young boys and the day was such a blessing. Not only was J so very attentive to me and showering me with kisses and whatever I needed, but I welcomed for the first time, friends, family and perfect strangers wishing me a happy Mother’s Day as well. I realized that I will soon be called mom, momma, or mommy and this just fills my heart so. I’ve dreamt of this reality of motherhood for so very long and its close.

I wonder what kind of mother I will be? I think of my own mother and how I was raised. I believe I will be kind, patient, caring, affectionate, protective, humorous, gentle, and loving. My emotions were all over the map last week and I especially felt super weepy on Mother’s Day as I reflect on my journey up to this point.

Last year I laid on the couch all morning with the shades drawn shut- isolating myself from the world and even from my own mother… and only but one year later I am approaching my last trimester of pregnancy embracing the beautiful reality of finally becoming a mother.

My take away of this: No matter if you have a child or not, we are all mothers. We were born mothers in some capacity, and we express our motherly selves in a variety of ways. Acknowledging this is a must, especially for those of us who struggle the most with this celebrated day.

And my update…

How far along: 27 Weeks and 6 days

Total Weight Gain/Loss: 125.5 lbs-up a pound from last week.

Maternity clothes: Oh yes, pretty much wearing my maternity leggings or a dress on rotation. If you happen to see me more than once during the week, I’ll likely be in one of these two staple items. Stretch marks: Not yet.. But I am scared they are coming…Belly is growing so big!

Sleep: Being that I am typing this at 4:00 am, I have to admit that I have been waking up very early in the morning. However to my defense, I often go to bed by 9:00 and get in an hour or so nap during the afternoon if I can.

Best moment last week: Not being depressed and crying on Mother’s Day for the first time in years. Experiencing joy of becoming a mother to our miracle baby. Spending time with my hubby at one of our favorite places-Lake Tahoe.

Movement: Oh yes..Little one is super active at night and still his movement has been one of my very favorite moments of pregnancy.

Food cravings/Aversions: Oh boy… lets see this past week I have been wanting to eat everything! It seems like anytime someone mentions a food category, I suddenly crave whatever it may be. (English muffins with peanut butter have been another staple item)

Mood/Energy: For the most part I have maintained energy and can go for most of the day even with bouts of insomnia that I have been experiencing, although as I noted above, I pushed myself the week before and I suffered dearly for it by getting sick.

Labor signs: Not yet! Hoping we make it until August!

Belly button: Top part is beginning to push out some and last week every time I sneezed or coughed I thought it might rupture.

What I miss: Sleeping through the night.

What I am looking forward to: Slowing down with work, putting the nursery together, and beginning birthing classes.

Milestones: Thankful for getting through the second trimester without a hitch!

27 Weeks

Milestones & 12 Weeks!

I hit the “magical” 12 week milestone yesterday of pregnancy. What is it with this 12 week mark that makes you feel like you’ve made it over a huge hump?

And speaking of milestones here are some other recent ones to share:

  • I “graduated” from weekly acupuncture appointments to once monthly
  • I officially can no longer button my favorite skinny AG jeans
  • I am being treated as a normal pregnant woman at my OBGYN’s office as everything is progressing well- I haven’t been considered  “normal” at a doctors office in nearly three years!
  • I haven’t thrown up in two days! Could nausea actually be disappearing for good?
  • No more Progesterone shots or Estrace pills!
  • And I actually allowed myself to start looking online at nursery furniture and bedding the other morning and fell in love with this new ruffle bedding from Pottery Barn- adorable right?

ruffle bedding 2

At this time I am just trying to enjoy every moment of my pregnancy, besides the anxiousness that arises every now and then, it’s actually been very easy for me. As I truly love being pregnant and I already feel like it is going by way too fast! I mean 12 weeks already? I’ll be in the second trimester in a blink with even more milestones to list.

Days like this I truly realize how lucky I am to be pregnant given my DOR diagnoses and low odds of conception. I fought going the IVF route for so long and feel so very thankful that we took the leap of faith when we did. It’s scary, as there is so much that is unknown until you actually go through the process and know how your body is going to respond.

I thank the Lord every morning when I wake up and feel my growing belly or see how happy my husband is- knowing that we are finally having our love child.  Lately, I have moments that I just want to wrap up and keep in my heart forever.

These are truly some of the best days of my life.

Xo

Two Years Ago Today…

Two years ago today….

I found out I was pregnant with our child.

I still remember watching that second pink line forming and then getting darker and darker.

I could not believe my eyes and immediately my heart started racing and I began to shake.

The immediate joy that I felt upon seeing that second line is indescribable; I still remember the proud look in my dear husband’s eyes when I told him our joyful news after racing down the stairs…Oh… I would do anything to see that look again from him, just one more time.

Two years later, to the day, I sit and reminisce with hot tears rolling down my face. I look up from my desk and see our one and only ultrasound picture placed snuggled amongst other photos on my memoir board.

Yes days like this are bitter sweet.

Sweet because of the fond memory of first finding out that I was pregnant and bitter because I am shook to reality of the reminder that it has been two whole years since my first taste of motherhood.

And still no baby in our arms.

Two…. years.

The longing, heartache, and feelings of loss don’t go away … but today I choose to be happy as I remember the specialness of this date, November thirtieth. Honestly, last year on this day I don’t even think that I could get out of bed, I felt that low. Yes, I have come a long ways on this journey, I still hurt, but today I will smile knowing that I am yet another day closer to our child.

She is close. Very close.

This I know.

~KSS

 

Juliet

I had a dream last night.

 

It was so real- so life like. Not all dreams are created equal, as you know,  and normally I don’t give too much after thought about my dreams because by the time that I am fully awake, they are forgotten.

But not this dream. No, I will remember this one forever.

 

 

 I was pregnant, I gave birth, and I saw my baby.

 

A girl.

 

Cute and little and perfect.  Dressed in a pink little onesie.

 

When the Doctor told me ‘Its’ a girl”, I replied, in a matter of fact way, “then her name will be Juliet”

 

Of course, there is much more to this dream, but  no one likes to hear the ramblings of a long drawn out dream, me being one ot those people, so I just included the important details. Like the fact that I actually named my baby Juliet in my dream.

You see- Juliet is one of my very favorite girl names.

In fact, everyone who is close to me knows this about me. And since I was eighteen years old, have always planned on naming my firstborn girl- Juliet.

We all know that our dreams are a play out of our innermost subconscious and conscious thoughts- and to have a dream, so real and true to my inner most desires- creates a warmth inside me that I cannot describe. I actually awoke with the biggest smile on my face, reaching for my DH so that I could hold him and retell my dream while it was fresh in my mind. He murmured back to me… “Just beautiful, you have beautiful dreams…”

To have a dream of this nature, so life like, at this point of my cycle ( 12 dpiui) is just what my psyche needed. Gives me hope, gives me something to hang on to-So what if it was just a dream. It wasn’t just any dream, it was my Juliet dream.  A first for me, and one that I will cherish close to my heart- forever.

 

Another first for me is that I received my very first daily double email from a website called Sarah’s Laughter- a website and group that offers Christian support for infertility and child loss. Today’s topic discussed the hidden blessing of infertility. The message resonated to my soul, reminding me that through this difficult journey, anything that causes you to seek out God brings blessings to you- any situation that brings you to your knees is good for you as it brings you closer to God. I have been driven to my knees countless times during this long journey. This thoughtful email is a kind reminder that through darkness there is light, to struggle will bring blessings, and at the end of the day God is here within us, our guiding light that will bring us to the other side of infertility one day soon.

 

I take these two messages to heart today.

 

This is always a difficult time in my cycle- and it is so easy for me to become discouraged and weak and doubtful.

 

But today, I will remain strong. Spend some time on my knees, and continue to dream about my baby Juliet…

 

God Bless,

 

kss