Stim Check Number One

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The outcome after being on stimulation meds for 5 days is as follows:

Right Ovary: 4 follicles all measuring about 7 mm

Left Ovary: 2 follicles all measuring about 7 mm

The ultra sound was super quick and Dr. S didn’t seem concerned with getting exact measurements for each follicle, instead he just clumped their sizes all together in the 7mm range.

According to Dr. S-my uterine lining looked great; follicles are maturing at about the same pace and I am responding as he had expected I would.

Then why did I leave feeling slightly defeated?

Being that this is my first cycle, I really don’t know how I should be responding.

Is this good? Bad? Indifferent?

Right after my ultrasound I met with my sweet nurse, whom reminded me while she was taking my blood for E2 levels, that it is quality over quantity.

I smiled at the reminder as “Quality vs. Quantity”  has pretty much been my motto for this whole IVF process.

After all the excitement of our early morning stim check appointment, and a second mid morning appointment with a client I decided I needed some “me” time. Soon thereafter, I found myself driving to my favorite nursery so that I could carouse the plant and tree isles aimlessly in peace and quiet. I even picked up a few shrubs and grasses for my side yard project that we are about to start.

Oh –and as an early birthday gift to myself, I bought a camellia plant which I have been eyeing for a long time.

I chose a camellia plant that had tons of bulbs ready to burst with color… I chose pink flowers, becuase I love the softness that pink brings to a yard full of greenery.

These are going to be so  pretty don’t you think…

PinkCamellias

Well, my next stim check appointment is Wednesday November 6, and this happens to  also be my 33 rd birthday.

Praying my birthday wish comes true once and for all!

December Twenty Two

Today would have been my Grandma M’s birthday. I am unsure of how old she would have been, she left us and went to heaven twelve years ago. Loved my Grandma and I miss her dearly. She was such a big part of my childhood memories… So I will honor her by listing a few things that she loved:

roses and her rose garden, pink lipstick, white shoulders perfume, shopping, baking, blankets, her cat Moose, laughing, volunteering at the VFW and all things pink.

Love you Grandma and Happy Birthday!

birthday  cake gma

I woke up early again this morning, despite staying up late and watching Christmas movies on Lifetime. Why are those movies, so sappy-but so darn good?

It’s been rainy and windy all night, and the wind was howling so loudly that my pups even woke up and started barking, which they never do!

christmas tree

Christmas is a short three days away..Our tree is decorated, presents are wrapped, the first batch of fudge and cookies are made, and yet something is missing…

 

My child.

I long for her.

And my heart aches.

Next month, will mark our two year date of our loss. January has always been a hard month for me, and it seems like it will be forever tainted.

It’s these early morning hours that get to me the most.

It’s the silence.

The deafening silence leaving me to my thoughts…

On a positive note… I did feel ovulation this month, which I normally never do. I take it as a good sign, of course.

I confirmed it with my RE when I had my “check up” appointment on Wednesday and he showed me the corpus luteum on the ultrasound screen.

Confirmed O is always good.

I, of course, have a wee bit of hope for spontaneous conception this month, even though we were technically taking a break, and technically only did the deed once during my fertile time.. I still have hope.. and even my RE commented that “it only takes one”

mothermary
Wouldn’t that be a Christmas Miracle? Conceiving the one month we didn’t try… it happens for others, plenty of others… Prayers of course are being sent.

Oh and yes, my appointment this past week, still determined that I would need surgery to remove the uterine polyp that is so happily feeling quite at home in my body. Not too happy about that and never thought my first surgery would entail something like this, but life is funny. So January twenty five will be my surgery day unless of course, a Christmas Miracle occurs.

I believe