Our second NST was a success this past Friday in that baby is happy and healthy, however I decided against having my membranes swept and instead opted for my first internal check.
Oh my goodness and wow did that hurt!
And all the pain for nothing as the doctor couldn’t tell me anything as my cervix was too high and the exam was causing me so much pain.. uggg! Then she left the room for a moment, came back in seconds later to wish us good luck and tell us our next appointment would be bright and early at 8 am Tuesday morning at the birthing center for our induction.
Gahhh! That did it… The “I ” word… I lost it!
Even before my appointment I was an emotional wreck, but after finding out the next step medically was induction I about lost my mind. Literally could not catch my breath crying uncontrollably for the rest of the day! I felt defeated- like I did everything I could to get pregnant, then everything I could to support a healthy baby during this pregnancy and now I was scrambling to do everything i could to get him to come out because I’m nearing 42 week deadline!
Once again I find myself in a predicament and am researching and trying natural methods before medical intervention takes place. I’ve been walking like crazy, eating dates, drinking red raspberry leaf tea, taking EPO, bouncing on my birth ball, sex, nipple stimulation ( even tried out my breast pump!), and of course talking to baby boy, praying, and meditating…it’s now Sunday morning at 4:30 am and no contractions what so ever!
Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had some successful contractions this past week, and a few strong ones-but nothing consistent enough to begin labor.
Tomorrow Ill try acupuncture and if nothing still within 48 hours from now I will prepare myself mentally for a successful induction that allows me to birth our miracle child( the one in my dreams and now in my womb, our child of God) safely in our arms and nothing less.
Our baby must have received the memo loud and clear that I really have loved being pregnant…as today I sit at 41 weeks and 2 days and still no sign of baby’s arrival.
Every morning I wake up and feel like I am living a dream of some sort baffled that I am still pregnant! Don’t get me wrong, hubby and I have been taking full advantage of this time together and all feels wonderful- yet it’s like time has stopped waiting for baby’s arrival. We’ve been having coffee talk in the mornings, taking long walks with our two mutts, and going out to eat enjoying just the two of us.
We feel as ready as can be knowing darn well we have no idea what to expect until our baby boy is in our arms… we keep talking about what he will look like, what his cry will sound like – how it will feel being sleep deprived and pacing the halls of our home with a newborn…all this wonder and splendor of a new little being that we are so blessed to be bringing into this world.
For so long I was worried that I would deliver premature and now the jokes on me as have switched gears and now I am worried that I will need to be induced!
Two days ago I went in for my first NST (Non-Stress-Test) and I was hooked up to a machine that allowed us to listen and see baby’s’ heart rate for a full twenty minutes. According to our nurse, little one’s heart rate was measuring “text book perfect” so we passed with flying colors there.
The other area they check is amniotic fluid levels via an ultrasound and my level was more than abundant, so although there aren’t any concerns medically, per hospital protocol -we will be induced this coming Tuesday 8/19.
The doctors have offered to check me for dilation at my last two appointments but I kindly told them “no thank you”. I know most women would want to know if they are dilated especially this late in pregnancy, but I would just rather them stay away for as long as possible, plus I don’t want to find out I am at a zero and feel defeated.
However, as I sip my raspberry leaf tea this evening I may be starting to sing a different tune. As I look at puffy face in the mirror and slather even more lotion and oil over my taught itchy belly I am reconsidering being checked for dilation at tomorrows’ NST #2 appointment and depending on where I am measuring, possibly having my membranes stripped in attempts to get this party started. I am caught in a balancing act of trusting my body and baby and being required to follow hospital protocol.
Induction is looming and will be happening at the 42 week mark (5 more days) whether I like it or not.
Praying with all my might that my baby makes his debut before the big guns come out!
So our estimated due date of 8/5 has come and gone and now I am sitting idle awaiting labor to start.
I had thought all along that I would give birth today on 8/8 which was our first babys’ estimated due date three years ago today and a very special day that I will always hold dear to my heart.
As of today no serious contractions, no lost mucus plug, no water breaking- only a very pregnant me!
Yesterday I was cleaning windows and screens, doing laundry, scrubbing toilets, vacuuming and so on thinking it may be just what my body needed. Yet all those activities just made me tired and very hungry!
At our appointment this past Wednesday our midwife explained that the next step is to come in on 8/12 for a non stress test and check everything carefully with the MD. She also explained that they will not medically induce until 8/19! Oh my goodness…that seems way too far away to wait!
Yet, waiting is nothing new for us, we have waited for our little one for so long (Four years since first trying to conceive) so I am very good at waiting, but honestly these past few days have crawled at a snail’s pace.
I have to gently remind myself that my body and baby are in charge of when labor will begin, not me.
I have this surreal feeling that I cannot describe, almost as if I have taken a valium and am completely calm and relaxed permanently.
I keep visualizing my labor and birth and meeting baby R for the first time.
I have been waiting for this for so very long and my everything waits in lovely anticipation. Every kick and movement I feel brings me so much love and makes me feel closer to my son. This last part of pregnancy has been amazing and I feel so connected to my husband and everything just feels right.
Not going to do my usual update this week and instead will reveal our nursery, I feel the room turned out perfect and has a little mix of old and new that will be a very special place for our son. Hard to believe that this empty room that I used to lay on the floor and cry in mourning is now my dream nursery where I can nurse, love, sing to, and soothe my baby boy.
Dreams do come true.
Will post again after my 40 Week appointment with the midwife unless baby makes his debut first!