Denial or Hope?

I don’t want to try IVF.


I am scared.

I woke up this past weekend telling my hubby this.

The act is so final to me.

It could be the beginning or the end.

And  I need to be ok with both outcomes before I attempt IVF- and I am just not there yet.

Am I wallowing in a state of denial? Am I delaying the inevitable?

I am just not ready to believe that IVF is the only way to have our baby.

Baby-Not babies?

Has too much time passed to have more than one?

Oh the thought hurts.

But that is where I am at now.. so much time has passed…

Three years in May.

Something has to give.

Going on week two of changing my diet.

Low carb with tons of vegetables and natural sources of protein.

I feel great-actually the best I have felt in a long while.

I had a fertility massage over the weekend to help energize my ovaries – doing all that I can to help my body do what it was designed to do and be the perfect environment for baby R to sprout and grow.

My fertile window is opening up today and my optimism for spontaneous conception is high once again.. here I go jumping on the roller coaster of hope once again.


I believe.


4 thoughts on “Denial or Hope?

  1. It’s such a fine line, isn’t it? I could have written this myself, and in fact have been contemplating very similar scenarios over at my blog. Like you, my husband and I have just hit the three year mark, and we haven’t sought any intervention until now. It’s worries me to go down that road, even though I’m pretty sure that’s what it’ll finally take to put a baby in our arms. Only time will tell, and at the end I can’t help but think it’s sometimes pretty random.
    I too started a gluten free diet recently, and am feeling healthier regardless of its impact on fertility. I hope doing these little things for yourself will make you feel stronger, healthier and more prepared to follow your path, whatever that may be. Sending many fertile thoughts for this fertile window!

    • Yes – it is a fine line.. and I keep resognating with’s what keeps me going. The three year mark just seems rediculous to have reached… I just can’t believe all this time has passed… I am a different person now then what I was three years ago.. so much stronger.. and many many other things that I could fill a book with… keep me posted how your gluten free diet goes.. we will try anything for baby at least once right? Thank you for the fertile thoughts.. their coming right back to you!

  2. Here’s what I’ve heard is called ‘assvice’- (1) it’s really important to evolve towards the solution that YOU’RE ready for. I was there. A close friend was there. For me, I was scared that if IVF didn’t work, then I had nowhere else to turn. For my friend, she was struggling withe the fact that IVF was so ‘unnatural.’ (2) We both got to IVF eventually. It worked for us both (me first try, her on her first FET.) (3) Once you’ve got a baby, you will not care AT ALL how you got there. You won’t care that IVF was ‘unnatural’. You won’t think twice that the pregnancy didn’t happen according to the ‘life plan you thought the had.’ You won’t care about anything but the fact that you have a baby. And then youre life will change, and you will move on to a new set of things to worry about, and be happy about. A baby. Your family. You will never forget this infertility (hopefully), but you will move forward so fast with life.

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