I’m Ready

Today is cd 24 and I am currently 9dpIUI/O. Most women in my shoes would be taking pregnancy tests from sun up till sun down at this point in their cycle, but not me. First off don’t get me wrong, normally I am that woman who is waking up at dawn to POAS. But this cycle I have a lot riding and I don’t want to deflate my hope quiet yet. Secondly, no POAS per Doctors’ orders. Seriously as I was walking out of my Dr.s office after the IUI, my friendly nurse called me in to the back office and told me “do not test early. I repeat do not test early. As it could result in a false positive! Wait the full 14 days.” I just stared back and mumbled out a confused “K”. Now if I hadn’t been so caught off guard or if I wasn’t thinking quick get me out to the car before everything drips out- then I would have probably asked a thousand questions, the first one being why??  But instead I just took the advice and now I’m sticking to it- no questions asked!

This means that in 5 1/2 fabulous days I get to finally TEST! That is unless the witch shows her ugly face first. Oh please no! Please don’t show!  I don’t know what I will do if/when the test is positive and at the same time,  I don’t know what I’ll do if the test is negative. Should I wait to test until the afternoon so that if I don’t see the magic second pink beautiful line, I can drown my sorrows in a bottle of Cab? I did shopping therapy last month, so wine therapy would be fitting this time for sure.

At the moment, I don’t feel any different this cycle than any other cycle, honestly. If anything I don’t think I have any symptoms at all.  Not really even of my normal PMS.  Trying to remain calm, clear headed and grounded. This morning the angel card I drew was “Miracle Healing” I feel like this card is very timely. Card meaning: Expect a miracle. You have prayed for assistance, and it is forthcoming. The more completely you surrender your situation to God, the more rapidly you will realize your healing. Truly LOVE this and it’s so very true. Also, very timely that I will be testing on 8/8 (my angel baby’s edd or as I will start remembering the date from this day forward- as my angels babys’ birthday)

Last August I mourned all month long over my loss and into September. I can honestly say now that time does heal. I know this. People say this all the time, and you don’t quite believe it, but I agree with them. I thought it would take holding my baby in my arms to start healing, but I can honestly say that time has helped the healing process. Don’t get me wrong, my heart still hurts. But less. Yes, it is decided. This year I will celebrate and maybe even make a cake! I will celebrate with love, knowing my babies are with me in spirit always and will come to me one day soon.

ps : I’m thinking chocolate cake with buttercream frosting

Oh and since I didn’t already mention this, I am ready. Ready to be a mother. Ready to be pregnant with swollen feet. Ready to buy cute little baby blankets for my baby.  I’m ready.  Beyond ready.

(Below is a link to Tracy Chapmans’ song titled “I’m Ready” Such a beautiful song and fitting for this post… heard it my first day back in yoga a few weeks ago..coincidence? I think not)





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